Stars if you really like it.
Heart of a Samurai
Kokone tossed in her sleep. Her mind bound by the cords of a nightmare unable sense the cold steel chopping down at the soft flesh of her throat. She is standing in river of blood looking at a face she had not seen in a thousand years. The samurai breathe smoke from his mask his eyes are slits of hungry malice fending for battle and gore.
He raised his katana both hands until the leather of the hilt moaned in agony. “You have lost your way my apprentice and unworthy to carry on living. I will be your judge, jury, and executioner.”
“Master.” She raised her own blade to guard against the coming attack. “You are not who you appear to be.”
She took in every detain from his bright red and yellow armor to the angle he held his blade. There was something different about him, a desire in his eyes she had only seen the night she had taken his life. The sound of blade biting blade poured over the red waters sending soft ripples playing across its surface. She’d lost focus for a moment giving her father the advantage he needed to end duel with a single stroke. A thin red fluid dripped down her face and she parted in two…
Remember, less is more.
Simple, well-thought out sentences are the key to a good book. Take the Book Thief for example. The sentences have a naivety to them that when there is a very descriptive sentence, it has a better effect.
Books that are constantly berating the reader with complex sentences leaves the reader being overwhelmed. Only write with complexity when it is absolutely necessary.
It sounds very interesting though. If you focus on the story and write modestly, you will go far.
Comment by Wednesday — March 11, 2011 @ 9:44 am
I could not tell you whether or not it would be a bestseller. I’d need a plot description alongside an excerpt.
But first, focus on your tenses in the first paragraph. There’s something a bit off…
Comment by less than three — March 11, 2011 @ 9:44 am
http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Breakout-Novel-Donald-Maass/dp/158297182X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242308067&sr=1-2
Comment by A. Thorne — March 11, 2011 @ 9:44 am
Too many intense words in the first paragraph, my immediate reaction was to SKIM SKIM SKIM. It’s alright to include normal words, too, sometimes. "There was something different about him, a desire in his eyes she had only seen the night she had taken his life." That’s a good line, work on making more like that one!
Comment by o sup alex — March 11, 2011 @ 9:44 am
In the first paragraph, instead of saying she *is* standing, say she *stood.*
I didn’t read it all because it’s not what I like to read. But, no one can tell you what will become a best seller. Publishers don’t can’t even predict this. Being a best seller means you have written a book that people are buying and want to read. What’s hot and what’s not changes every year in publishing. People can only guess at what might be a best seller and publishers take chances on books hoping it’ll be something people want to read, but the only way to know is when the book is released.
Also, if you have a high-profile author or someone who has made a name for himself and has had best-sellers in the past then chances are his books will continue to be best sellers just because he has built a following for his books. If that makes sense.
Comment by blackcat — March 11, 2011 @ 9:44 am
Maybe.
Comment by Power Rangers Unite! — March 11, 2011 @ 9:44 am